Two lives of Smita Sen

( A recap : Smita Sen is trapped in a loveless marriage . Her husband Abhijeet is a well educated man, works for the government. He is a civil engineer and draws a good salary. He had provided Smita all the basic comforts of life.

But his thinking is old school. He believes that a wife is meant to cook. Look after him and their eight year old son. And to be treated like a piece of furniture.

” If you show them your love, they will soon be sitting on your chest.” he shares this in colloquial language with his friends.

Smita had always dreamt of love, since she was in her early teens. Today she is stuck with Abhijeet and has an eight year old son. But she is beautiful and charming. Lives in a dream world during the day, when Abhijeet has left for office and her son is in school. 

A chance meeting with Saurabh and his six year old daughter Riya in a mall brings her close to the two of them. Saurabh gets attracted to Smita. Smita cannot resist his advances, which are subtle and romantic. They start an affair. But the daughter, Riya is always present. The relationship between Smita and Saurabh is platonic in nature, barring the odd kiss once in a while.

But one day Saurabh drops Riya to a friend’s birthday party and takes Smita to a cottage by the sea. He tries to disrobe her and make love to her. Smita loves him but cant give in to his physical demand. A verbal fight follows. They break up. Smita’s life becomes silent, loveless and miserable once again. After forty days, one night Saurabh writes to her on Whats app that he is missing her. Smita is in tears. But soon doubts raise a cloud of dust in her mind.)

‘Does he want my body ? Does he want to avenge his humiliation, because i refused to sleep with him, thats why he has sent me this whats app message ? To charm and seduce me back in to his life ? But his goal will still be the same. Possessing my body.’

In the dome of Smita’s mind, thoughts were reverberating ceaselessly. Saurabh’s whats app message, after a painful gap of more than a month, saying that he ‘missed her’, had brought up a plethora of emotions and thoughts in her heart and mind.

‘ Should she reply ? Should she meet him ? What if he again tries to get physical, should she give in ? After all without him she had spent countless days like a zombie, devoid of hope, love or life.’

Then her thoughts turned to his wife. ‘ His wife must have come back from Amsterdam or wherever she had gone abroad. So why was he missing her ? Was it possible that he was in love with her ?’
A second voice within her replied, ‘No he cannot be in love with you.Otherwise he wouldn’t have taken you to that shady cottage to violate your body so insensitively. Hardly an act of someone in love.’

But after a few minutes of drowning in a pool of thoughts, she wrote back to him, ‘ I missed you too.’ She felt something rush to her heart as soon as she wrote those words. It could not be love, but it felt like life that was rushing to her heart. Just like water rushes in to a barren land. Her vision blurred with tears filling her eyes.

Her mobile silently lit up once again as Saurabh wrote back. Smita looked at her husband who was deep asleep next to her in bed. She saw his message. Saurabh had filled up her mobile screen with many a ‘I love you.’ Hearts tossed all over the message. Smita’s eyes once again filled up with tears. She wrote back, ‘I love you too.’

Messaging on whats app went on till late in the night/ early morning. Sometimes Saurabh would vanish from the app, become offline. Smita knew for sure now that his wife must be back. He was secretly messaging to her, while his wife was sleeping in the same bed, exactly like her husband was, both unsuspecting and secure in the knowledge that their partner was loyal, trustworthy, and if not, then firmly chained to the institution of marriage.
By the time their messaging ended, they had decided to meet the next day at a distant restaurant, away from the prying eyes. Riya, his daughter would not be accompanying him, because her school had reopened and with her mother back, Saurabh didn’t have to baby sit anymore, it was his wife Shipra’s turn to look after Riya. Smita and Saurabh would meet alone. She felt excitement rush through every part of her body and her heart began to pound at the thought of meeting him alone. She loved his touch, his occasional kiss, his groping like a teenager. Just that she wasnt yet ready to give in completely to his demands. It felt sinful. ‘My orthodox upbringing, maybe’ she thought.

Next day Smita wore tight jeans and a white top that accentuated her curves and slim waist. She had been working out with a vengeance, when she wasn’t meeting Saurabh. The workout was her only release. The treadmill, the weights and the bicycle at the gym had experienced the wrath of her loveless life. But the rigorous work outs had helped her become fitter and slimmer, looking  like a girl in her early twenties. Her husband Abhijeet would have been shocked to see her dress up like this. ( But she was simply dressed to kill.) Her husband did not even know that she owned such a tight pair of jeans and a figure hugging top. She had hidden it deep in her cupboard the day she bought it. Nor did he know that she had joined a gym.

Smita thought that ‘the husband is always the last to know about his wife and her secret life.’She thought that ‘every woman led two lives or more.’  They were mysterious creatures. Men on the other hand prided themselves in being transparent, thinking that revealing their true selves to the world was an act of bravado. ‘Why the hell should i hide my real self ?’ he thought arrogantly, twirling his non existent moustache. Women were not so stupid, Smita thought. They preferred diplomacy over bravado. Tact above truth.

Smita was deliberately indulging in such random thoughts in an attempt to distract herself from what was to follow. She would be seeing Saurabh after forty one days and her heart missed a beat every time she thought of him. His well chiseled face, hooked nose, brown eyes and his deep voice.God, how she had missed him, despite his deplorable behaviour. His open display of lust.

On reaching the restaurant Smita paid off the Uber and entered the restaurant, somewhat apprehensively. The restaurant wore a deserted look, apart from two couples occupying tables in two different corners. Saurabh was not to be seen. Smita panicked. Had he forgotten, was her first thought. Is he late, held up somewhere with his wife ? She did not know what to do. To sit alone at one of these tables was unimaginable for her. Saurabh had again picked a restaurant which looked like a couples hangout. A waiter approached and asked her where would she like to sit. ‘Would you like to take the table near the window?’ Smita stammered and the words she uttered did not even make any sense to her. ‘She is with me.’ she suddenly heard a male voice, clear and confident and her gibberish sounds ended. She silently but swiftly turned to see Saurabh standing behind her. She heaved a deep sigh of relief. But it was followed by breathing erratically at the sight of him.She was relieved to see him but at the same time nervous at the sight of him. He gently touched her shoulder and lead her to a cozy table in the distance, pulled up a chair and helped her sit down. He occupied the chair facing her. She noticed that he did not sit in the chair next to her, but on the chair which was on other side of the table. Did it mean that he did not want to hold her hand or sit close to her; did it mean she was no longer attractive to him ? Or was he trying to put a respectable distance between the two of them because he had acted like a jerk in their previous encounter?

What was she thinking ? Was her mind going crazy ? Stop panicking she told herself. He is only behaving like a gentleman.
She saw that he was watching her with total composure, a hint of smile on his lips.

“I had reached fifteen minutes back. I must be using the washroom when you arrived.”
Smita nodded.
“How have you been?”
Smita tried to smile and said, “Okay.”
“Did you just miss me, miss me ? OR you Missed me a lot?”
“I told you on the phone. I mean on whats app.” Smita said shyly.

Saurabh naughtily replied, “I wish we were whats-apping even now. You speak so romantically on  whats app.”
Smita blushed.
“I am sorry about the last time.” Saurabh said, his tone suddenly turning serious. She looked at him, feeling more comfortable with his seriousness than his frivolity.
“In this period….when we did not meet, i realised that i love you.”
These words felt like music to Smita’s ears. But she still asked, “ Are you sure?”
“ I wouldn’t say it if i did not mean it. Let me be more truthful with you. I missed seeing your innocent face, these deer like eyes, your shy smile, your blushing and blood rushing to your pretty face and making it cherry red.”
Smita almost died listening to him shower her with love and sweet compliments. She had never heard these words and had pined to hear them. Even though deep within she knew these words were untrue, she allowed the words to sink in to her. Soak her being.
Bless the untrue. Bless even a blatant lie, because it is healing. Damn the truth and damn those who speak the truth, the hurtful truth.’

This strange thought came out of nowhere and imploded in her mind. Inwardly she knew that she was a cheating wife, not an innocent soul. Nor did she believe her face was pretty. But isn’t that what every girl wants to hear? And Smita had waited an eternity to hear a man say such words of love and shower false praise on her.

She felt moved and placed her hand on his on the table. He held her hand and kissed it. There was hardly anyone around to notice his kiss. From the corner of her eye she caught a waiter trying to look away. But she did not care anymore. She needed to bask in the sunshine of his love, even if the price was shamelessness. She wanted to be loved like this all her life.

What he said next was perhaps her thoughts echoing in to words.

“ I dont ever want to loose you Smita. I am willing to leave my world, if you are ready to leave yours.”

Smita came back to reality with his words. They seemed like the greatest words of love on the surface, but they had the power to shatter two worlds. She stared at him, speechless. Time had swung like a pendulum in less than twenty four hours. ‘How crazy is Time !’ she thought, stunned in the moment. 

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Also watch a bonus video : Watch my journey as a writer through movies, television and finally to writing a book.

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