An author meets his lead character.
Author: ( to his readers ) It is not essential whether you are following Smita’s real life story on my blog or not. You can read this private conversation i had with her and it will still make sense. Infact you may discover who is Smita Sen. Her story of a girl trapped in a loveless marriage is perhaps the story of millions of girls and women around the globe.
You see, violence or any kind of abuse in a marriage is illegal. But not to love your wife, that is not illegal. You can treat her like a piece of furniture in your home, it is not illegal. Its also perfectly legal not to respect her and treat her with coldness and contempt. By doing all this you are not committing any crime, according to the law. She cant sue you for not loving her! Can she ?
So…a lot of girls like Smita are spending their lives trapped in loveless marriages, caged in an institution, where they have to live unhappily ever after.
The morality issue arises only when the wife goes out in search of love and happinesses outside her marriage. Then all hell breaks loose, from every corner of the society. Daggers are drawn by men, the legal system of the country totally sides the man and the clergy call her a fallen woman, woman of disrepute and what not ! ! But doesn’t every human being deserve to be loved and be happy ? The world calls it straying, but Smita feels revolted at the use of this word because it sounds derogatory and is coined by a male dominant society, and used for hundreds of years to humiliate a woman because she went out to fulfil her basic need of love and affection.
So let me take you to the restaurant where i had this private conversation with Smita. I call it private, because its secretive, heartfelt and if leaked can ruin her marriage. Oh yes, like millions of women around the world, she has to hold on to her unhappy marriage for dear life because there are pressures on every girl to ‘hang in there’, however miserable her marriage may be. Pressure from her parents and the society. There is ‘stigma’ attached to the word ‘divorce’ even in the modern day world.
My chat with her
Author: Hi Smita, as you are aware i have serialised your real life on my blog. You must be thinking of us writers as vultures who create stories out of real life pain and conflict.
Smita : No. not at all. ( slight smile ) But i hope as promised you have not revealed my real name in your blog.
Author: I haven’t. You can always go to my blog and read it. Its for free. No charges to read a blog. ( i laugh )
Smita : i tried to read my stories a few times, In fact i read a few of them, but it felt strange reading about my own life. ( She smiles.) It also felt as if i was reading about someone else’s life, but yet it was my life….I felt confused and so i stopped reading. And Karan you had brought out my emotions in such detail in your blog, that i felt shy reading it. Plus lets admit that i am not as good looking as you have portrayed me in your stories. I hope i can say that to all your readers. ( smiles )
Author : Let me be the decider of that my dear. ( i laugh ) You are very modest i must say, I appreciate that, but i am committed to conveying the truth to my readers and according to me, you are very beautiful. And by describing your emotions, i am only trying to do justice to your feelings.
Smita : I understand. I know that many women out there must be reading my story and identifying with it, because a lot of them are going through the same.
Author : So how are things between you and your husband in the present ?
Smita : As they always were ! ( her face gets a tinge of sadness.) I am not a living being for him. But just someone who merely exists in the same space. I am useful for cooking and bringing up our son. Period.
Author : Do you think that he doesnt need your love ?
Smita : He doesn’t. I think men are strange creatures. They can easily exist without love. Atleast most men.
Author : But not without lovemaking?
Smita : Karan i feel shy to talk about these things openly. On the blog i have noticed that you go deep in to my mind and write about what my inner thoughts and feelings are. About love making etc. But this is not your blog. And i am not Smita Sen, so i cant talk openly about such topics. (laughs shyly )
Author : I completely understand. If you read carefully you will see that i have shown your character in the blog as someone conventional and orthodox.
Smita : I am.
Author: So how did you get attracted to a man who is someone else’s husband ?
Smita : i dont know.
Author: Do you blame it on destiny?
Smita : That will be very convenient of me. I did rather blame it on myself.
Author : You do ?
Smita : Of course, why blame it on something that we haven’t seen or known. So i did rather take the blame myself. I needed to be loved and cared for. I was in search of such a man perhaps. So i got what i was searching for. Why blame someone else when the whole thing was my own doing ? My search and need for love.
Author : Do you feel guilty…i mean when you have been with Saurabh the whole day and then you come back home and play the role of a housewife and a mother?
Smita : Thats not a role. It is my truth. The core truth of my life. And coming to guilt, yes i do feel guilty at times. Isn’t it normal?
Author : No its not normal. In the course of my life i have met few women who have no guilt about falling in love with another man.
Smita : See karan, in me the need to be faithful to my husband is as great as my need to be loved.
Author : Great recipe for pain. Contradictory feelings, pulling a person apart.
Smita : I guess every woman tries to find love in her own husband. No one wants to be disloyal by choice. But in some cases it may not happen, they may not find love in their partner. Unfortunate but true. So a lot of women decide to live without love. I lived a loveless life for eight years of my marriage. I never ever looked at any other man. But then i had to meet Saurabh. And then the dam of emotion burst.
(Smita suddenly became sad. I saw a hint of tears in her eyes.)
Author : You found love. Whats there to be sad about?
Smita : I did not want to find love like this.
Author : You want to break up with Saurabh?
Smita : We did not meet for forty days karan.
Author : Yes i wrote about that on my last blog.
Smita : So you know that we have recently resumed our relationship. How can i think of a break up immediately?
Author: He has proposed a big thing suddenly. He wants to have you in his life forever. He is willing to give up his wife, his family life. Will you be able to leave your husband Smita, for the sake of unending love ?
(Smita stares in to space for a long time. Then she looks at me and says,)
Smita : You are the writer. You work it out whether Smita will be able to leave her husband for the sake of love or not ?
Saying this she stood up and walked away in to blinding light of the outer world. Or maybe my inner world.
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