The double life of Smita Sen


Breaking marriages

In the last one year, since their affair began, they had had two big fights and had stopped seeing each other. They had tried to live apart, but they were unhappy without each other. Of course Smita was worse off than Saurabh. She was in a loveless marriage. Saurabh had the luxury of having a few girlfriends, who were always waiting for his call. It was purely physical with them and therefore unfulfilling. But with Smita it was different. Her middle class values attracted him. He was tired of seeing affluent girls. Many of them just threw themselves at him. Loyalty meant nothing to them. Most of his girlfriends were the bed hopping types. They came easily and the whole fun of the chase was lost. He had loved Smita’s values and her ‘touch me not’ attitude in the beginning . God knows that she was so difficult when it came to any kind of physicality between them in the initial couple of months, that it drove him crazy. And he had loved every moment of it. Smita had a bad marriage and she was so desperately seeking love. She brought out love from deep within him. He had ached for her these past few months when they had broken off. Even his wife Shipra could see that he was on an edge sometimes. She was worried that Saurabh had fallen in love. But then he met a young girl, barely out of college, but overgrown for her twenty years. He started seeing her. This strangely comforted Shipra. Shipra and he were in an open marriage. She knew everything about his life. What she didn’t know was that Saurabh was already getting tired of the young girl. He was missing Smita. So he messaged her one morning and she was in Sanawar. He caught her in a weak moment and she immediately agreed to come back to Delhi the next day.

They had made love in his friends apartment the whole day. Both had come to a realisation. They wanted to be together forever. Dangerous desire, since both were married.

They were both going to spend the night in the apartment. But the thought of parting with her in the morning ( since Smita’s husband Abhijeet was coming back from Sanawar) was unacceptable to Saurabh.

So now Saurabh tells her to leave her husband. Smita is in a fix. She asks Saurabh “ If I talk to my husband about parting, will you first talk to your wife Shipra about separation?” Saurabh tells her I will. The point is who should take the first step ? Saurabh tells her that “Yours is a much more conventional marriage and it will take a lot of courage, time and tussle for you to break up your marriage. Plus you have a child.”

Smita counters by saying “So do you.” But Saurabh says “We have been in in open marriage for very long. It is not going to be difficult to tell her that I am parting ways with you Shipra and let us take care of our daughter together. She will be open to giving me visitation rights to my daughter.” Smita argues, “ Then you don’t know your own wife. She is not going to let you go so easily. If she was willing to share you with another woman, with me, and she said to my face that lets both keep him to ourselves, then do you know what does that mean? It only means that she is desperate that in the eyes of people your marriage should continue. And she continues to be called …your wife.” But Saurabh challenges her by saying “ Does your husband even know that you have strayed in your marriage?” Smita gets angry and says “Why do you call it straying in my marriage? I hate the words ‘straying’. I never had a marriage to begin with and I fell in love with you. I have not strayed into love. So stop using that word ..straying.” Saurabh says “I can replace that word with any other word but the truth remains that your husband has no f****** idea that you are having a relationship with another man. Is it going to be easy for you to confess to him that you are in love with another man? He is going to be shocked out of his wits.” Smita’s eyes take on a troubled look. She knows that it is going to be traumatic for Abhijit. In fact he may get angry and violent. Or shocked and may fall apart, start drinking too much and fall into in an abyss of depression. Saurabh catches the troubled look in her eyes. “You already look so troubled because you know that it’s not going to be easy for you.” Smita challenges him and says “Alright let’s see for whom is it going to be easy. For you and your wife or for me and my husband?” Saurabh steps backwards and says “ Look, this is no contest. It is going to be difficult for both of us. But because me and Shipra have been living in an open marriage, I think she was always ready to lose me to somebody else. Where as Abhijeet has no clue that he can ever lose you. He has taken it for granted, like most men do that their wives will always be with them. That their wives can never ever stray, I am sorry to use that word again. But you know what I mean? Most men think that they can do what the hell they want, but their wives will never ever deceive them. And even if they do, these men do not want to know about it because they want the status quo to remain. The status quo should never ever change. Because the wife is like a property for them. And the property belongs to them until and unless they decide to sell it. In this case divorce her. If a woman leaves it is blasphemy. If a man proposes divorce, then he is being a man of today.”

Smita is set thinking deeply. She doesn’t know where to go from here. How to bring up the topic of Saurabh with her husband Abhijit. She looks lost. Saurabh puts his hand on hers and says “ Don’t worry what ever happens I am going to be with you.” Smita says ‘Shall I tell you something truthfully? Saurabh I am not sure that even after I speak to my husband, Shipra is ever going to let go of you. So I would suggest that you please speak to Shipra first, before I break up my home and my marriage.” Saurabh says, “ In that case shall I come to the conclusion that you do not trust me? You don’t trust that I will tell Shipra about how serious we are about each other, while you have gone ahead and broken up your home?” Smita says “ Consider this Saurabh.. that I have gone ahead and told Abhijeet about our relationship. Knowing the conservative man that he is, he is definitely going to react radically and my home after that is not going to survive. After doing that if Shipra refuses to give you a divorce what are we going to do ? Because Abhijeet is going to push me out of that home as soon as he can. Where will I go Saurabh?” Saurabh says “You think I am going to let you be on the streets?” He emphatically says, “I said I am there for you Smita, I will take care of you. We will rent a place, a home where we will live together.” “And yet Saurabh if Shipra doesn’t agree to a mutual consent divorce, what does that make me? A mistress? Because you will keep going to your own home to meet your daughter. Some night you may just call me up and say that your daughter is not well and can I stay here? What will I say? No? Of course not. I will say please stay with your daughter who needs you at the moment. I will be understanding, but inwardly I will die a hundred deaths. That’s why I am telling you that speak to Shipra. Let me know if she is willing to let go of you, because once I speak to Abhijit there is no going back for me. In fact I may also have to fight a legal battle for visitation rights to meet my son. Abhijeet can get vindictive and nasty and block me from meeting Arnav. He can also go to Sanawar very often and pollute his mind against me. So the repercussions are going to be great Saurabh. I hope you understand what a woman’s life is like! Especially in India.”

Saurav thinks, looks in to her dark, deep and troubled eyes and says, “Alright, if that’s the case then I will speak to Shipra first.” Smita looks at Saurabh with relief and love and says “Thank you, that will make it much easier for me to speak to Abhijeet.”

Saurabh has promised Smitha that he will speak to Shipra…

But the point is, will he?

{Karan razdan has authored a few books. Do check them out.}

Now available in hindi too. On Amazon and Flipkart. Click on any of the links below :

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